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-沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について [montana] (10/24 21:06)
 ├Re:沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について [miho] (10/24 22:19)
 │└Re[2]:沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について [mariana] (10/24 23:16)
 │ └Re[3]:沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について [montana] (10/25 08:36)
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[60] 沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について
Name: montana
Date: 10/24 21:06
またログが飛んでしまったのですね。。
先日に引き続き、度々の書き込みをお許しください。
※いつも親身に相談にのって下さるmarianaさん、ちゃんと全てのレス拝見しております。

下記がこれまでの経緯です。
http://www.rennai-senmon.com/bbs/lounge/tree.php?all=1447&log=3

その後沈黙を開始し、約2週間が経過した今日のお昼に、なんと彼から電話がかかってきました!
もう~、あまりに意外でびっくりです。
たぶん連絡が来るとしてもメールだと思っていたので、突然の電話に的確な対応ができなかったかもしれません。

「久しぶりだけどどうしてるかと思って・・・」というありがちな切り出し方でした。
私は一週間ほど前から風邪気味で体調を崩していたので、そのことを伝えると
今はどう?もう治ったの?と、体調を心配するという感じではなく、
彼が明日休み(平日休みの仕事です)なので、会いたいような素振りでした。
「もう元気だけど、会って風邪を移してしまっても困るので・・・」ととっさに答えてしまいました。
(駆け引き云々以前に本当にまだ体調が優れないのですが)
そして、会話中に「連絡しちゃ悪いかなと思って連絡しなかった」とか言ってしまいました。。
彼のほうも「電話したのまずかったですか?」と聞いてきましたが。
なんとなく会話も途切れがち(いつも電話だとそうなのですが)で何を言っていいかわからず
電話くれてありがとうございましたみたいなことも言ってしまいました。急に電話が来てびっくりしたことも。。。
この対応は間違えていたでしょうか。。。

私自身は、99%諦めていた彼からの連絡に飛び上がるほど嬉しかったし、
風邪だろうがなんだろうがすぐ彼に会いたい!!!というのが本音ですが、
結局は体調が悪いのなら・・・ということで明日は会うことはなく、
また連絡してくださいと言われただけで、次にいつ会えるかもわからないのですが、私はこの先どう対応すればいいのでしょうか?

ちなみに私のような「正式に付き合ってなくて体から始まった関係」の場合、復活愛のページで博士が
「1ヶ月以内に彼から連絡があった場合、あなたは貴重な存在であるかもしれない

と書かれていますが、このお言葉を信じてしまってもいいのでしょうかね(^^;
また再会して、博士の仰るとおりに1から彼を手に入れる努力をすれば報われるのでしょうか。

あと、今回連絡があったことは、上記の博士のセオリー通りなのか、
沈黙そのものの成果なのか、祈りの成果なのか、"ハート辞書”の成果なのか
なんなのかな~?と、それも気になるところです。

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[64] Re:沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について
Name: miho
Date: 10/24 22:19
montanaさん、はじめまして。
辛い気持ち、よくわかります、、。

でも、今までの経緯を見る限り、やはり彼も以前よりもだいぶ、montanaさんの事が
気になってきているように思います。


今まで追われる立場だった人間が、急にそうでなくなると、
当然不安になったり、いつもと違う状況に戸惑ったりすると思いますし。


もうちょっと様子を見て、相手のテンションが上がるのを待ってみてはいかがですか?

個人的な経験から言えば、今までそれほど多くの人とお付き合いした訳ではないですが、
別れた後に全く連絡をとらないようにしていると、ほぼ100%の確率で向こうから連絡が入ります。

いわゆる博士のいう沈黙ですね、、、。


メールであれ電話であれ、とにかく相手の思い通りにしないことが一番良いんではないかと
思います。

「電話してまずかった??」

も良くある台詞だなと、、。要するに相手の気持ちが、自分から離れていきそうになって、
彼も少し焦っているんではないでしょうか。

個人的には、良い傾向な気がしますが、、。

返信する


[66] Re[2]:沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について
Name: mariana
Date: 10/24 23:16
montanaさん。

新しいサイトが立ち上がりましたが、取りあえずこちらにレスします…。

うーん。意外な電話でもなんでもないですよー。
博士も仰ってますが、彼も「例外では無い」という事ですよ。
おっかけてくるハズの人が追っかけてこないので、「あれ?」
という気持ちでしょう。その「あれ?なんでー?」という電話そのものだと思います。

montanaさんの対応、全然まずくないですよ。
取りあえず無視はしないけど、尻尾も振らない(すぐに飛びつかない)
そういう態度を一貫してください。
そして前にも書きましたが、montanaさんが今後自分で判断して自分の進みたい道に進めばいいと思います。

1.彼とちゃんと付き合いたい

ならば、「体の関係を拒める!」というテンションのときに彼と会ってください。
それは彼の都合ではなくmontanaさんのテンションで決めて下さい。
いいタイミングで彼から誘いがあれば乗ればいいし
自分がそう実感した時に「元気ですか?」というようなメールを送ってみてもいいと思います。
スケベ心満載で彼は「会おうよ」と絶対言ってきますので、自信を持っていて下さい。
そして楽しくデートして体を求められたら、可愛く「彼氏としかできません」と断ってください。

2.「彼のセフレのままでいい」

ならば、いつでも会いたいと思ったときにそう言えば、彼はいつでも会ってくれます。その代わり精神的な見返りは一切求めてはいけません。
屈辱的なことやひどい態度も覚悟して望んでください。
セックスしたらポイっとされるのを覚悟して望んで下さい。
「セフレ」というのはこういうものだと割り切れば、やっていけると思います。


3.「彼みたいな非人道な人間とはつきあわない」

ならば、一切電話もメールも無視すればいいです。


という、実は3つの選択肢しかありません。
そんなに難しい話ではないですよ!
彼がひどい人間だというのはmontanaさんが一番わかっているので
そこを議論するのは止めましょう。
それよりも「そんな彼とどう付き合いたいか?」を自分に問いかけて下さい。

彼のようなタイプの人間は、すぐにステディができて、二度と手に入らなくなる
と言うことはありえません。
たとえ他に女ができても、montanaさんが会いたいと思えばいつでも会える相手です。
たとえmontanaさんが結婚しても会おうと思えば会える相手です。

彼はそういう精神世界に住んでる人です。
だからあせって手に入れる必要はないんです。
montanaさんのペースで進めればいいのです…

伝わりますでしょうか?

取り返しのつかない恋愛というのは、彼がきちんとした恋愛をする人で
次に新しいステディを見つけてしまう場合だと思います。
montanaさんの彼は当てはまらないと思います。

無理して嫌いになりましょうとは私は言いません。
以前こういう男は麻薬のようだと書きました。
もっと長いスパンで彼との事は考えましょうよ。

ね!

返信する


[76] Re[3]:沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について
Name: montana
Date: 10/25 08:36
mihoさん、marianaさん、レスありがとうございます。
ひとまず私の対応は間違ってはいなかったようで安心しました。
ただ、私は彼のセフレになる気はありませんが、復活愛のページを読むと「彼に尽くし、都合のいい関係を続けたあと『恋人の心を~』を実践して彼に恋愛回路を作る」とありますが、彼の言いなりにならない、体を許さないという事と相反する行為のように思うのですが、私の解釈が間違っていますか?

返信する


[78] Re[4]:沈黙中に彼から連絡が・・・今後の対応について
Name: mariana
Date: 10/25 10:57
montanaさん。

こちらはログが飛んでしまうので、新しい方にも
montanaさんへというスレをさる顔さんが立ててくださったので
見てみてくださいね。

あと、博士のブログにも
居心地のいい状態をつくってあげるが体は許さないと書いてあります。

「都合のいい女」と「イゴゴチのいい女」の違いを考えてみてくださいね。
宿題です♪

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